There is clearly something coming ahead. If I can find out what it is, then there is no meaning in Life's surprise element. But, we are heading towards it. We are about to witness it together. So, these are the last days..... Of either the pained existence or of these painful experiences.
I can sense it coming because the extent to which it is so powerful is such that it has made my eyes go wide open at the middle of the night when I was asleep and it has made me feel it all over and make me sit wide awake and pen down everything.
Together, we can move mountains. The possibilities are endless. The actions are seamless. The unison is coming soon, I believe. The celebrations are about to kick off. If I had to break the silence, all it would take is a phone call. But, the power of the word that has been given to you is such that, even the phone call will have to wait.
For how long I can sustain this suspense element is something I am wondering day and night. At times, these struggles make total sense when it pays the dividends that was expected. There is a sheer joy of talking about you when someone enquires me about our Life.
In quietly observing what is going on, whatever you are giving me through this silence is an energy so powerful that you can keep me for yourself irrespective of the distance barrier. Oh, just now I realised as to how you kept asking for space and now I would like to ask you whether you have availed all that space you need with the level of freedom you have with me?!
I have extreme tolerance and that is the only asset passed on to me by my earthly creators. This tolerance coupled with the prevailing circumstances has put me clearly in this veil of mist that I sometimes do not understand the terrain am traversing currently in Life's journey. But, it is about to happen. And, we are about to get some clarity soon.
There is always increased anxiety about your whereabouts. I have to scurry along vast data and understand things from the slightest cues left by you. I have to find answers from thin air. I have to use the same air to breathe and keep my hopes alive. These journals I am documenting are not just words. These are not happening as a planned activity. These are real scenarios as they are happening. It also includes how I swallow or skip my food and go running to the terrace of my workplace and once am there out in the open, I stand facing the Eastern horizon and tell myself that you are there in that particular direction and I stand there not minding the hot sun just to convince myself saying you are there in that direction and am looking at you and I believe you will surface soon.
Walking up and down in anxiety, playing our playlist and trying to sense what could be coming through in the thin air, trying to play one scenario after another in the possible capabilities of my thinking and trying to figure out what could be going on with you, in what state of mind are you in, in which dimension can I find you and most of all, through which medium will I happen to hear you from...... I am pushing it to the limits, Babe \(^_^)/
*playing Fidaa movie's scene of the guy sitting in US and thinking of his Girl's absence*
*playing Oosupodhu from Fidaa*
Are you leaving me to rot? That is what I feel like asking. Have you no mercy? What is it that I have done so extreme that you are punishing the Life out of me like this, my Love? Is it just because I Love you that you feel I have to be punished? Nenu yemi chesedhi raa? Nuvvu intha andhanga unnavu. Take anything and everything, you are so beautifully mine. I have seen the highs of Life and I have seen the depths of the lows in Life to even meet death in the eye. But, nothing or no one has brought me to my knees like you have done. I am kneeling in front of you, seeking your presence. But, I will not ask it for momentary notice. I am seeking it for Life and beyond.
I want to hold your hand so tight during our oldage that although the body would be shaking to keep ourselves standing, the Love in us will stand so firm to elaborate the actual strength in our bonding. You make me write, you make me feel, you make me kneel, you make me do everything, aw, you are the one. Dafuq, I do not care, to heed to anything at all. I only care about us. The magical realms that you take me through, even in the darkest hours where light is scarce, the light in you takes flight anew, the faith in me shall not fail me. The belief in us, will see us through. And, thus I Love you, Bubbles \(^_^)/ -rPhoenix
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