I guess it is not for me. Family, friends, a life partner and so much more. It is not for me. I have met her, but not "her". I have seen many people come and go but not the ones who will stay. Is it my fault? No. It is just not for me. Is it a lament? Hell, no! It is a great realisation. Who am I? What am I? It does makes sense now. The veil of mist is clearing off on many such questions and doubts. It never occured to me that it was not for me. Had this hit before, things would have been much more pristine. Just let it go? Huh, I let everything and everyone simply go. Is it over? Yes. It is. But, it is not for me. So, there was never a start, hence, never an end.
I have met her. Yes. But, I have not met "her". Someone who would take control, someone who is simply fire, someone who would sweep me off my feet, someone who would stand and deliver, someone who would just prove, someone who would guard, someone who would NEVER run- Nah! I have not met "her". I am pretty sure about it now. She was there. All I have seen in her is hide and seek. All the time noisy but nothing when situation demands. But, "she" is someone whom I have never come across. Should I go looking for "her" or her? Interesting, as it may sound but both are absolutely not worth it if I have to do everything. If it is "her", "she" will find me. If it is her, she will hide and seek as always.
I have missed a lot of recent. The years of merry that have been denied, the events of joy specific to this age have all been stolen, the memories that will be recalled in the last breath have all been made null and void. Why? Who? Well, it was because of her, this has happened. If it was "her", am sure this would have not been the case. That is why, it is nor for me. It never existed anywhere in the long texts of destiny written for me. If it was "her", she would have not existed, in any realm whatsover. It was because of her, maybe there was no sight of "her".
Functions, celebrations, family, friends, a big gathering of never seen faces coming together for numerous reasons in the timeline. Targets, milestones, teams, hikes, perks, numbers, budgets, costs, income, expenses, planning, shortage, abundance, huh, never heard of these neither. It is not for me. Alright. So, what is this game then? She stole a lot. Time, energy, effort and so much more that fall under once in a lifetime category. To have shielded a coward such as her, it is certainly a matter of shame for me. To someone who can take all that they want and not stand and deliver when it matters, I wasted valuable time nurturing and nourishing.
If in the convenience of monetary benefits and material comforts, she could switch sides, am sure "she" would have slaughtered such b!tches who beach themselves on rich shores. If in the advent of meeting her with "her", this world would witness the most dramatic events. But, why venture into such portrayal when it is not for me? If these slithering sh!theads who can speak logic when it comes to money and be utterly opportunistic, then I dwell in a world where freedom is infinite to bring such beaches and b!tches to light even if it is not for me. -rPhoenix
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