Panic...

A sense of panic has set in. It has come with a lot of fear never seen before. But, I cannot give in to these fears. There is a new development. It has been several days and nights now. It was not like this till date but the latest development is keeping me anxious and incline towards panic. Why, Babe? Why and what is happening? I am a lot worried now. 

I never slept in peace for many years. Maybe I have lost count of those years that have kept me awake late into the nights or through the nights. Still, I had managed to get sufficient sleep somehow. But, nowadays there has been a new development. All I do is stay awake and remain blank. I get only minutes of sleep. It is a shame that it cannot even be called as a nap.

If I happen to sleep for few minutes, say ten or fifteen minutes, then I remain awake for the next 24 hours or so. Initially, I thought this was only for a day or two. But, it has been almost a month now. No signs of getting any sleep. All I do is lie down and try to sleep but I am left with visuals and thoughts about you all the time. 

I do not get up. I try to sleep. I continue with the visuals and thoughts and drift to sleep. But, in few minutes I wake up and that is it. I can see how badly I am missing you, Babe. I can see how much you matter to me. I have experienced it. But, I do not know how to let you feel this. Mere words are not helping in conveying the actual feel to you. 

When I am awake, I am obviously tagged to thoughts about you again. This is like causing me to panic. This lack of sleep is making me like drift into a new dimension. I do not know if I will stay in control or lose myself in the due process. Sometimes, I have been lying down through an entire night trying to sleep but, all I do is live the visuals and thoughts about us. 

Babe, I know you are busy preparing. But, apart from that I guess you are at least keeping a proper eating and sleeping routine. I know you are not enjoying Life as such. But, are you in excess pain than ever before, my Love? For me, the worst part is, I am feeling the fatigue when I am driving/riding and it becomes too difficult to manage the travel. But, when I lie down to sleep, I am wide awake. 

I know this is my problem and I have to deal with it. The anxiety gripping me from the lack of sleep is less than the anxiety to know about what is going on at your side. That keeps me on my toes all the time running visuals and going through the thoughts to try and find out what it is exactly at your side. 

In a couple of days, a major planetary transition is coming up(Guru Peyarchi/Jupiter transition). Yes, I know your stance on these star related matters. Yet, exercise caution Babe. Missing you a lot. I will settle for only one and that is to be with you. As part of documenting everything and presenting to you, I have mentioned about this latest development here because, they say lack of sleep for a week can lead to sudden death. Yemo... -rPhoenix