There are unanswered questions piling up by the passing days. All of them have been having an everlasting impact in the resulting daily activities upon the self. These unanswered questions do not seem to be seeing answers before the light fades. Oh, what would it have taken except few words or gestures as answers, I ask. But, even that has now become another question and there is no guarantee for answers. In search of answers have there been many quests, most of them with empty hands than minds.
The world has become a lot more open, yet my world has become a lot more secretive. Everything is readily available with a cost but my everything seems to not budge because I cannot afford anything with a "cost" anymore. Startling discoveries of recent, I am soon being forced to become a lot more secretive. All of that happening more out of force than real intention. My thoughts, words, presence, will all become secretive. Thinking in the same lines, it gives a lot more depth into the shallow Life I have had.
This world has made many fools over time. My world just made one but it makes it time and again. Of course there is no dissent in doing so even if there is no pleasure. I believe in making your own path and the one that I seem to have made is not for anyone to follow. Now, if I have to take the tried and tested path like the billions, I do not stand a chance anymore. Everything I happen to think or say is now associating with "anymore".
To lift one's spirit is very difficult. To light up a dark Life is almost impossible because the light that enters the zone will find itself surrounded by darkness and only the light is the odd one out. You are the light. I hope you would have seen how bright you are in my zone. I do not remember the time when there used to be my own light. I think it is time to wrap up the game. It is not the point of no return that concerns me, it is the fear of a rebirth that bothers me. Everyone has given me enough to proceed towards the point of no return. But, if I get an assurance about no rebirth, then I can take the step. It is again not the fear of undergoing all these in the rebirth that scares me, it is the pain inflicted upon others in the due process that.................. no, it is not holding me back and it is neither letting me go ahead. All these has simply got me stuck in one place.
With absolute regret I am etching these words here, for I still do not believe in giving up. But, the struggle is not in giving up or staying in the fight. It is the daily circumstances that drowns oneself time and again or sometimes, it can simply be put as "living with the facts". I am willing to go the extra mile just as always. But, when the road ahead seems to be non-existent or uncertain or when there is no surface to pave the way, one has to fly. To levitate myself will see me through. But, I was not born with wings.
To try and develop wings like the Wright Brothers, I do not have time because even you will not wait for me in the name of "I have only one Life and I cannot wait to live it fully". I do not blame you. But, it is the fact, right? Well, my predecessors take immense pride in talking about everyone who has settled on foreign shores or has been placed in prestigious positions in their careers. But, as far as I can remember, no one even filled the application forms for my academics. Adding salt to the wound was when they denied me a crucial funding seven years ago for a venture overseas which would have made me a similar overseas groom that they keep talking about. Utter waste of time talking about it, isn't it? Well, yes. End of post, then. -rPhoenix
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