Tears...

As far as i can strain my memory and remember, i have been crying. They say, pain, on accumulating to unbearable levels makes anyone and everyone cry. To be gender specific on this, Women tend to break down much earlier than men do. And, it is said and believed that for a man to cry, it takes really such excruciating pain. Shedding tears helps us lose something and levels the hormonal imbalance to make a person feel better. That is the physical aspect. This physical change does not stop with this. It in turn creates a mental change that we term as relief from stress. But, what is this that is happening with me?

Since when do i know pain? Or, is it like i have been in pain always that i have no option than to break down? Or, has there been something very terribly wrong with the hormones that resist to balance itself? Is this all what that forces me to believe in fate and destiny? Are there no better reasons to believe in such things? Why is it that my mind cannot calm itself at times of hurt but it does respond only when exposed to the lyrics of those famed tracks in my playlist? When my words can heal hearts of a third person or a complete stranger or that dear loved one, why can't my heart, mind and soul trust my own inner voice? 

At times of distress, with complete darkness all over; with every door slamming at my face even before i can ask for help; with every other known soul becoming an alien or let me accuse myself by saying when every near and dear one "alienating" me further than ever before; when the endless thoughts jam my thought process from letting my mind think free or clean; when the moon that shone bright on that night talking to her comes down staring at me and threatening me to burn me to ashes, shining brighter than the sun; when every single star that was just winking from above appearing in such a way that it makes me feel that i am alienated from their joyous world of twinkling and winking; i haven't seen myself resort to anything other than shedding these warm tears. I hate to tell the world i cried. I love to feel the stretching of the skin and shrinking vision that occurs when one smiles. I laugh hard. I cry harder. I detest the latter and i know everyone feels that's obvious. It is obvious.

I do not have any personal hatred towards anyone in this world. I love to see everyone smile. When i read the following line during my schooling, i could not understand what it meant and neither was i bothered to ask my teacher for the meaning but today this line keeps playing on an endless loop. "Success is considered sweetest to the one who hasn't tasted it." Not only success, anything and everything that one desires but has not possessed till now perfectly matches with this line. Likewise, here, for all those who complain or scream at me for raining tears most of the time, just remember this, similar to how success is sweetest to the one who hasn't tasted it yet, the meaning and pain from the tears will be understood only by the one who hasn't had a chance or wasn't given a chance to laugh his/her way out of this never-ending misery.

"What is the purpose of shedding endless tears then? Why not try and attain the peak rather than sit half way and rain down tears than runs like an endless river towards the paths of my followers making it difficult for their climb?", you may ask. I have an answer. These tears have given me so many realisations. They serve as a means to communicate with the inner self which many of us fail to do. They provide me with an unending supply of hope and at the end, strengthen my belief saying that next time i fail, i can always cry my way out and try again than to just run away from the challenge. They have softened my inner core so that my loved one will never find it harder to crack anymore. Although i felt like complaining while beginning this post, now, i feel a lot different by aligning my approach towards this recurrent problem towards positive outcomes. It lightened me. Would be pleased if it enlightens you. Forever let the smiles cover the endless miles. :-)