The eyes swell with a massive flood making visibility all blurred out. I just wish you were here by my side right now. But, what more can I expect when even my words do not make any sense to you? The heart feels a bit dizzy, it feels like it is out of shape, not knowing which rhythm to beat to, even a brief blog vacation only seems to make your absence more pronounced. Oh, Love! Where are you now? I need you here now!
Belief, faith, dreams, desires, focus, visuals, Life, Love, pain, happiness, everything else has simply become mere words. As I keep looking around for you, as I keep trying to find out the missing link, it feels I am losing the riddle altogether. I keep trying for this redemption, and so you are. But, why are there two different roads here? From what we have in our heart, it should only be one.
My presence, my words, my worth, my everything seems to have become redundant to you. It was never my satisfaction, never my needs, never my desires, never my anything at all. But, I do not know how to convey what the actuals are. Instead, we find ourselves stuck between walls and closed doors. We both are trying.
Nothing makes me happy other than anything and everything about you. You can call it an obsession if you want to dismiss my emotions just like that. But, it can also be called as Love, if you will consider what I am trying to tell you. I spend few days without penning down these thoughts, and everything just gets worse. Thus, I am here with this once again, just as ever.
I wish to know many things from you. But, how? With what you said, I never had any intention to keep myself distanced when you need me. Every single moment is so filled with your thoughts, my Love. It is this pain that brings my eyes to flood every single time. I simply wish I was your fully qualified person. And, I am not coming to terms to not being one.
These words emerge after being drenched in tears that was nothing more than blood in my body. I am suffocating without you. I cannot think straight, I cannot eat, sleep, I simply cannot even breathe properly. Such is your absence. This is no distress call to get out of any pain. This is the representation of my scenario right now and what forces me to keep penning down thoughts about you.
I simply cannot decipher the key to this. Of all the efforts taken to improvise and adapt, you emerge out of everywhere and keep me only looking for you. Dreams, reality, mirages, visuals, call it whatever, I do not know if I am conscious or semi-conscious or even totally unconscious, you simply make me run towards you. Why? Can you explain?
Now, we do not text, we do not see each other, we do not meet each other, we do not have any of those mediums, we do not have any contact as such, now explain this as to how this is happening to me?! You have simply slammed the doors shut everywhere and trying to redeem and transform yourself. But, did you think of me?
I guess you want me so badly punished for what happened back then. If such is your desire, I shall be left here neglected, in bad shape and simply forgotten. If such is the case, tell me how long you want me to try breathing because I want to know the duration of this punishment even if it is for the entire lifetime. I do not even know if you will read this sooner. But, these words will definitely reach you to make you understand how painful it is to be without you. -rPhoenix
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