What have I...?

What have I done for her? What have I given for her? Where have I taken her? There is a lot to ponder over. I do remember the list that comprises of what I have taken from her. I know what she has given for me. I know the places where she has taken me. She made a mention of feeling heavy. I did not feel it by then because I was elated by her presence. Now, I feel heavy. Partly upon realising that in spite of my presence, she felt heavy and I failed to do anything about that. Partly upon realising something else.

Trapped in this realm, blaming the circumstances, trying to take sides, all those are not going to matter. All that matters is, the ultimate answer I am facing right now. Of how lonely this world turns just by missing one person in Life. Of how empty even a cramped space feels upon being handed over silence by her. *playing Neeyum naanum anbe from Imaikaa nodigal*

I do not understand the cycle of events happening around. All of a sudden a great deal of travel, all of a sudden finding myself seated in one place, all of a sudden things seem to get better and soon after they all seem to be falling apart. 

I can see how people look at me, especially people with whom I have sought refuge just because they would understand things better. But, it is turning out otherwise. I am alienating even the air I breathe pretty faster than I thought. I keep throwing words out time and again, without knowing what consequences await me the very next moment. There are thoughts pouring out without a break. I need a break, but I am not able to find one. 

I can see what is lacking, I can feel what is needed, I know what is it that I want but, how is it that all are evasive at any given instant? Oh Love, where have you been? Feeling content with yourself, you said. I am at a loss of words to describe the despair that arose upon knowing something out of that. My hands withdraw playing this dance on the keypad taking my fingers away and making my sight strained and stained.

I am pretty sure nowadays my words might not even make much sense even to me. All this verbal emptying I do, or say, I am forced to do,................... I do not have enough words all of a sudden to complete that statement. 

Alright, it is dark everywhere now. Maybe I can take a ride to the hillside to find some lost space of mine. Having become an extrovert, I hope what you told me is a given fact and not something to just let me relax my thoughts. Late into the night, I will go and spend the night staring at the towering hills and the vehicles driving past. Nothing much for now. Miss you, Bubbles \(^_^)/ -rPhoenix