Head down...

Head down in shame, in this tiny world of mine, shadowed by the massive spaces owned by people, sometimes I wonder if I am a murderer of dreams- the ones that originate in my near and dear. What good is this eagerness to make everyone happy if all that I end up is creating widespread apathy? While people who see my Life term it disgusting, imagine how it feels having to live this life first hand?

For all these reasons I would never speak about my own hurt or pain. When they blamed, I quietly accepted and when they wanted to tame, I did not mind being subjected. Some day I thought I would set everything right, make everyone happy, let everyone realise their own dreams, and I forgot to dream for myself ever since then. Even if they wanted to hurt, I quietly let them do it. For, if I could inflict such extremities on them, I felt letting them return it was like doing justice for the moment. 

Although I find myself marooned today, I still have not seen those near and dear crowned with glory they deserve. Hence, the sleepless nights and thus I try to lobby. Whatever I say would only go against me, whatever I do will still go against me and unfortunately, whatever I actually feel will only stay inside me. What good are these mediums if they do not let the message to be clearly conveyed? What value does this silence add if it does not serve the actual purpose?

For the way I really feel, I would let my near and dear take everything I have, but to "have" is at a premium here and, there I stood in shame unwilling to wrap up this game. All that they need is all that I dream of. All that they desire is all that I pray for. But, all that they said is finally what I dread for. In my depths there is equal resent, for which I repent but to convey my lament is never going to equate what they have spent.

Any day, I would borrow anybody's sorrow and never their sorry. But, no matter how much I feel sorry, today I have this endless guilt to carry. Before I am being carried, I would want to repay their tally, and make everyone happy or at least see everyone happy. I think that is not such a bad thought I can afford to marry. Time remains to be the jury, would be nicer for it to consider my query, Oh what joy it would really mean if you are all in total merry.

People find it hard to believe me because I do not talk alike in person. I hide a lot of my sorrow during such moments but somewhere all these has to be dumped. Quite rarely I make these kind of posts to fulfil that purpose. Otherwise, It is to my Bubbles I write, it is to our promise that I strive, it does not matter the strife, no matter whatever pain during this plight, I will aim for the heights that we always seek in "our Life". Bubbles \(^_^)/ -rPhoenix